A young man married a beautiful woman who had
previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding
night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle;
I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom, "How can that be if
you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he
kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never
really sure how it was supposed to function, but he
said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything
checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get
the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew
he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able
to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic
process but wanted three years to research, implement,
and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he
knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or
not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a
product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was
talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look
at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did
was............... God, I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"
"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"
"You're with the Government. This time I KNOW I'm
gonna get SCREWED!"
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says
"Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
* She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
Anybody happen to catch Nightline Saturday night on ABC? In case you didn't, one of the hot topics discussed was MySpace. It is no secret to anyone who reads the newspaper or watches the 6 o'clock news that MySpace has been in the limelight because of "sexual predators" trying to "abduct and corrupt" the youth of the world. To this I say bullshit! I see dozens of profiles a day showing 14 year old girls dressed like sluts, wearing four inches of make up and 32 layers of eyeliner, displaying their age as 18 years old and profile lines stating "Oh, I'm So Sexy" or "Hey There, Wanna Check Up On It?" Come on! The youth of today's world are already corrupt enough due to the undying need to be "older" than they really are. I seriously doubt there are tons of people on MySpace stalking "innocent young girls" who just happen to have tramped up profiles and ages 4 years greater than their own.
On Nightline, there was a story of a 12 year old girl who was a drug-addict and attributed it all to MySpace. She claims that MySPace allowed her to easily fing drug dealers in her area, as well as older men to have sex with her. Now, at the age of 14, she has been checked into a drug-rehabilitation clinic and has been away from her family for 5 months. Her parents would rather place the blame squarely on the shoulders of MySpace instead of their daughter, who even admitted that at the age of 12, had already tried weed, crack, X, and had slept with numerous guys older than herself...but of course, it wasn't her fault, it was all because of MySpace.
Once again, COME ON! When are parents and children going to stop passing the blame and grow up enough to take responsibility for their actions and the actions of their children.. Parent;s, monitor your children online, take some responsibility for YOUR children. Children, if a profile name sounds like something that comes out of a cheap horror movie, like "DARK ANGEL OF DEATH WHO EATS THE BRAINS OF GIRLS"...chances are you DO NOT WANT TO ADD THEM AS A FRIEND. Apparently there is new legislation in Congress now to block MySpace in all public schools and public libraries across the United States. All because little girls want to act grown and don't want to accept the consequences and parents don't want to accept the fact that their "innocent little girls" are posing as 18 year old crack whores trying to buy drugs.
Eventually, if this continues, MySpace could be totally outlawed from the Internet. Restrictions will be put in place in order to make MySpace "safer". I don't know about you, but I use MySpace to keep in touch with my family and friends, use it for messages, and just to have a space that is my own. Just because some children want to act grown, does that mean I may have to eventually give up my MySpace? If you feel the same way I do, please, repost this in your blogs or bulletins, or both as "STOP BLAMING MYSPACE". If enough people post this and spread the word, maybe people will get the picture and stop blaming MySpace for every little thing that their children do wrong. As user of MySpace, we should all repost this and take some sort of action. This is not a chain letter, and nothing will happen to you if you don't repost this in 321654987 seconds. However, of all bulletins you will read today, I am sure that this one is the only one that actually has a point to it. So please, have some common sense, and repost this. Thanks.
You're a 90's kid if:
U remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain , and Two Stupid Dogs.
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!
You just cant resist finishing this... "Iiiiiiin west philladelphia born and raised..."
You always used to say, "im rubber your glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you."
You remember TGIF on ABC. Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when, 2Pac and Selena died.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You remember the craze, then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record "Your FAVORITE song of ALL time"
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together.
You remember when super nintendo's and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos... but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3........and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yomega Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books..
You remember when Mortal Kombat wuz tha shit!
U remember eating Warheads.(those sour candys)
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
U remember Ring Pops.
U remember drinkin' Fruitopia and Surge.
if you memeber when every thing was "da BOMB"
when they made the new lunchables so that you could make tacos and pizza!!
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players
Writing M.A.S.H. notes. (and the twenty different versions of that)
Making those little paper fortune cookie things.. and then predicting your life with them.
You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers,and Ninja Turtles.
You had a favorite New Kid on the block, and you knew all of there names
Yikes pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
You owned a portable tape player.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
You remember "American Gladiators" and watched it like a religion.
"Talk to the hand" ... enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"
You know the significance of the number 23.
You went to McD's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds...at the play ground.
When we were younger:
Before the MySpace frenzy...
Before the Internet & text messaging...
Before Sidekicks & iPods...
Before MIKE JONES...
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX...
Before Sponge Bob
...Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs .
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.
When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.
When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.
Way back.
when it was all about N64.
WHEN MAKING OUT WAS HAVING SEX
WHEN YOU TRADED POKEMON CARDS FOR A LIVING
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!!
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male.... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male.. Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male..... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male..... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
!Male..... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female..... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.. A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND :
He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
He said . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said. That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said We don't know; it has never happened.
He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said ...... . They already have boyfriends.
She said...What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
He said . . . A widow.
He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
This is very true, so pay attention!
Girl facts:
When you catch a girl
glancing at you,
she wants you to look
back and smile
When a girl bumps into your arm
while walking with you
she wants
you to hold her hand
When she wants a hug
she will just stand there
When u break a girls heart
she still feels it when
you run into each other 3 years later
When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her
mind
When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply
When a girl looks at you with eyes full of
questions,
she is wondering how long you will be
around
When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a
few seconds,
she is not at all fine
When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are playing games
When a girl lays her head on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever
When a girl says she can't live
without you,
she has made up her mind that you are
her future
When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more
than that
When a girl is mean to you after a break-up
she wants you back, but shes
scared she'll get hurt and knows
you're gone forever...
Guy Facts:
When a guy calls you,
he wants to be with you
When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...
When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong
When a guy says, "I'm fine." after a few
minutes
he means it
When a guy stares at you,
he wishes you would care about him and
wonders if you do
When your laying your head on a guy's
chest,
he has the world
When a guy calls/texts/comments you everyday,
he is in love
When a (good) guy tells you he loves you,
he means it
When a guy says he can't live without you,
he's with you til your done
When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could have
ever missed him or anything else